So to play off of my “New eyes” post, I thought it would be good to compile something of a quick-ish list of things I’m thankful and grateful for so here you go:
I’m really (and surprisingly) pretty healthy. I’m rarely sick and these days and the fact I got through almost three years at my current job without taking a sick day says something to that. Or my Protestant work ethic is out of control
In this terrible economy I have a job that’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
I live in a huge house with a really cool roommate and have about the best landlord ever (note: future blog post). We just need a roommate who will commit and stay that way.
Despite carrying some debt (who doesn’t these days?) I’m at a fairly secure financial position and even have a few coins tucked away for when I can convince a woman to have me. That or I’ve started with a nice bit set aside for retirement. Whatever.
Best…cats…ever (except at 5:00 in the morning when I’m trying to sleep).
I have a really cool, diverse, loving and supportive group of friends who all seem to like me even after getting to know me. That’s what friends are for ; )
I’m a member at two different Christian communities, where I’m fairly active in both, that have helped to be rocks of mine in times of trouble and have also celebrated in times of joy.
I’m at a place where I’ve been able to cultivate my passions be them musical, community related, service oriented, or activity based.
My horrible basketball team just got the #1 pick in the draft next month. HEY, not everything I’m thankful for is extremely profound.
I’m pretty much busy every night/weekend with something going on in my life and am most certainly not sitting around waiting for life to happen to me.
My car runs like a dream (even after 7 years and over 100,000 miles on it). I think that’s because it runs on magic and pure happiness (is he joking? Yes.).
Oh and I could go on, to be honest but I think you get the point. Overall, things are good and I’m glad I’m doing a better job these days at focusing on what I have and am thankful for than the few things I don’t.
It’s funny because that this leads me to last night’s lessen at small group, which was on contentment and that true contentment only resides within the will of God and the relationship we have with Him. And yes, I knew this to be true before last night’s lesson. I will say that I think that, by and large, I honestly do not put my level of contentment on anything physical (i.e. possessions). Although do CDs count? How about I just call it music and leave it in the realm of the ethereal (btw, Realm of the Ethereal is playing at Glastonbury this year)?
Now, the one aspect of my life (which is also the aforementioned things not going right) is the crazy 2+ year odyssey I’ve found myself of being a single guy again. Seriously…I’m really really sick of the carousel of woman who have come and gone and come and gone and I’m totally ready to have this thing stop. If anything, can I just sit on one of the stationary benches and not worry about the nice looking horse or the lion and whether or not…okay, the analogy just broke down.
Anyway, I have realized that my lack of content in this area has not as much to do with things like the fact I can get kind of lonely, or that I really miss having my best friend be an attractive woman who I’ve somehow become romantic with, or any of those things one usually associates with romantic love. No no no…my main lack of contentment stems from the fact at the end of the day I see a wealth of potential I possess, given to me by God, and that I want to live a life that is most effective, purposeful, and impacting. Now, I am (and have been so) able to achieve a certain level of this life as a single person, and assuredly many people do so completely as a single person as marriage isn’t for everyone. I am not one of those people. I know, and have seen it played out personally, that I’m at a MUCH better place as part of a “we” instead of a “me” and have felt God the closest while in that place.
So it’s a tough one for me. I mean I objectively know that we can only find contentment solely in God’s will yet…wait, I think I just figured it out. I don’t think it’s an either/or proposition. I think that the reason why I’ve felt God the closest in those realtionships is that because He ultimately has that kind of life in mind for me. Now even though nobody has yet to take me, and I used to feel that my one opportunity was forever lost for a very long time, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a part of God’s will ultimately.
Now that that’s figured out (am I being facetious? Not sure.), I just have to remain patient in the meantime and move accordingly. I am one of those possibly insane people who would follow God through 100 hoops of fire if He made it clear I was supposed to do so. And to be fair, God has made it clear to me in the past with relationships that it was “100 hoops of fire” time and I was more than willing to go because it’s simple. If God overtly shows himself to you, then you follow. That’s it. Simple. He’s continues to show himself to me in the everyday, in sometimes crazy ways, and I know He’ll do so likewise in the “Future Mrs. Moorman sweepstakes” again and the timing will be right, even if I can’t always see it and you know what? I can be content with that.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Ben Folds at the Hollywood Palladium
One of the things I’ve learned about being a semi-regular concert goer is that you never know what’s going to happen from show to show, which is one of the exciting things about live music and the entire experience. On that note (no pun intended) I was able to catch a longtime favorite of mine, Ben Folds, last night at the Hollywood Palladium with my friend Caryl.
First off, one of the things I love about where I live is that I am afforded the opportunity to not have to deal with traffic at times as the Red Line really does go to many a desirous location and last night was no exception. We were able to meet at the North Hollywood station and it was only a 10-ish minute ride to get over to Hollywood/Vine with then a short walk over to the venue.
Of course since I’m “literal man” I saw that the ticket clearly stated 7:30 that at least the doors would be open by then (I didn’t really think the show would start then, though…I think) but upon getting to the front, there wasn’t a single person in line and it looked like nobody was around so we thought that it just meant we got there a little toooooo early (more on this in a moment). With that, we decided to head on over and get a drink at a local watering hole which worked well as we were able to catch a little bit of one of the playoff games, talk a bit, and I had the chance to admire a rather large 60’s era lamp plopped right in front of me.
Anyway, we made our way back to the venue and saw that, ummmmmmm, the entrance is really on the side which would explain the apparent situation from before but it was cool as it still wasn’t even 8:00 yet. With all of this as preface, here are some of my impressions of the show.
Actually before the music started, Caryl was good to point out the number of white guys in their thirties wearing glasses…so my people, it would seem. If I wasn’t so weird about talking to strangers I might have made a few new glasses wearing, vintage clothing adorning, and all around cool folks as friends. Of course once she made this observation we were both on the lookout for “my people” which was a fun game.
Okay, but this is really about music so here we go…really this time. The show started with Ben and singer Sara Bareilles coming out to announce the first part of the show, which was to feature four different a cappella groups performing songs from Ben’s career. Here is a clip of the UCLA troupe singing “Fair” from Ben Folds Five:
Awaken A Cappella “Fair”
After the last of the groups went, Sara said she was having trouble deciding which group won, which was based on audience clapping/yelling, which is always quite scientific. So she said she needed to grab her friend Josh to help with this…and then came out with opera singer Josh Groban. Of course slow guy here didn’t put 5 and 8 together and Caryl had to clue him (oh nice, I switched to the third person) in…and that wasn’t the last time I (or he) was corrected on something. So after that, the show began in earnest…well 20 or so minutes later but whatever.
As for Ben’s set, I got a tad nervous when the majority of the first batch of songs were from the new album as I’m not a massive fan of the disc and I usually prefer to see artists give really varied sets as it keeps it interesting. I had nothing to fear as in the middle of the show, the rest of the band went off stage and Ben played a good number of songs, with many of them being more obscure songs from his catalog. Needless to say I did not think I was ever going to hear a live version of “The Secret Life of Morgan Davis” which is a total “mailing it in” song he wrote just to fulfill a contractual obligation years ago. Although I did enjoy the little bit below which is a jingle he wrote for a Japanese radio station.
After the middle portion, the band came back to finish up and go through the encore. The songs became a lot more varied from across the catalog and the two aforementioned special guests performed songs with Ben and here they are.
You Don’t Know Me (featuring Sara Bareilles)
Still Fighting It (featuring Josh Groban)
Both performances were definite highlights although the closer was fantastic and unexpected to me. Ben introduced the song as one of the few true collaborations he’s been a part of and went into a cover of a Dr. Dre song. Now, silly guy here thought, “Wow, I didn’t know Ben and Dr. Dre did a song together” and it was comedy gold when I brought up my surprise on the walk back to the red Line station as I was corrected by Caryl that, wellllll, it was really just a cover. Wow, I’ll believe anything…oh and this performance is also on youtube but since this is a blog family members read, I thought I shouldn’t do anything to have people question my taste in music to have me stumble back with something about “being ironic” but I’ll just say this…youtube Ben Folds Palladium and the magic will happen.
Anyway, it was good times and I’m glad we were able to get out and see Ben. It had been far too long for me, as I hadn’t seen the guy since grad school, and I hope it’s not that long again until the next show. Now, I have a few weeks until the Camera Obscura gig…
First off, one of the things I love about where I live is that I am afforded the opportunity to not have to deal with traffic at times as the Red Line really does go to many a desirous location and last night was no exception. We were able to meet at the North Hollywood station and it was only a 10-ish minute ride to get over to Hollywood/Vine with then a short walk over to the venue.
Of course since I’m “literal man” I saw that the ticket clearly stated 7:30 that at least the doors would be open by then (I didn’t really think the show would start then, though…I think) but upon getting to the front, there wasn’t a single person in line and it looked like nobody was around so we thought that it just meant we got there a little toooooo early (more on this in a moment). With that, we decided to head on over and get a drink at a local watering hole which worked well as we were able to catch a little bit of one of the playoff games, talk a bit, and I had the chance to admire a rather large 60’s era lamp plopped right in front of me.
Anyway, we made our way back to the venue and saw that, ummmmmmm, the entrance is really on the side which would explain the apparent situation from before but it was cool as it still wasn’t even 8:00 yet. With all of this as preface, here are some of my impressions of the show.
Actually before the music started, Caryl was good to point out the number of white guys in their thirties wearing glasses…so my people, it would seem. If I wasn’t so weird about talking to strangers I might have made a few new glasses wearing, vintage clothing adorning, and all around cool folks as friends. Of course once she made this observation we were both on the lookout for “my people” which was a fun game.
Okay, but this is really about music so here we go…really this time. The show started with Ben and singer Sara Bareilles coming out to announce the first part of the show, which was to feature four different a cappella groups performing songs from Ben’s career. Here is a clip of the UCLA troupe singing “Fair” from Ben Folds Five:
Awaken A Cappella “Fair”
After the last of the groups went, Sara said she was having trouble deciding which group won, which was based on audience clapping/yelling, which is always quite scientific. So she said she needed to grab her friend Josh to help with this…and then came out with opera singer Josh Groban. Of course slow guy here didn’t put 5 and 8 together and Caryl had to clue him (oh nice, I switched to the third person) in…and that wasn’t the last time I (or he) was corrected on something. So after that, the show began in earnest…well 20 or so minutes later but whatever.
As for Ben’s set, I got a tad nervous when the majority of the first batch of songs were from the new album as I’m not a massive fan of the disc and I usually prefer to see artists give really varied sets as it keeps it interesting. I had nothing to fear as in the middle of the show, the rest of the band went off stage and Ben played a good number of songs, with many of them being more obscure songs from his catalog. Needless to say I did not think I was ever going to hear a live version of “The Secret Life of Morgan Davis” which is a total “mailing it in” song he wrote just to fulfill a contractual obligation years ago. Although I did enjoy the little bit below which is a jingle he wrote for a Japanese radio station.
After the middle portion, the band came back to finish up and go through the encore. The songs became a lot more varied from across the catalog and the two aforementioned special guests performed songs with Ben and here they are.
You Don’t Know Me (featuring Sara Bareilles)
Still Fighting It (featuring Josh Groban)
Both performances were definite highlights although the closer was fantastic and unexpected to me. Ben introduced the song as one of the few true collaborations he’s been a part of and went into a cover of a Dr. Dre song. Now, silly guy here thought, “Wow, I didn’t know Ben and Dr. Dre did a song together” and it was comedy gold when I brought up my surprise on the walk back to the red Line station as I was corrected by Caryl that, wellllll, it was really just a cover. Wow, I’ll believe anything…oh and this performance is also on youtube but since this is a blog family members read, I thought I shouldn’t do anything to have people question my taste in music to have me stumble back with something about “being ironic” but I’ll just say this…youtube Ben Folds Palladium and the magic will happen.
Anyway, it was good times and I’m glad we were able to get out and see Ben. It had been far too long for me, as I hadn’t seen the guy since grad school, and I hope it’s not that long again until the next show. Now, I have a few weeks until the Camera Obscura gig…
Friday, May 15, 2009
New Eyes
Something I’ve learned in the last few years is that no matter how much I want God to simply swoop in and directly address that which has weighed me down, He always surprises me and offers up timely bits and pieces here and there that lead me along the way. I think I’ve become too “21st century instant gratification” and not enough “life is a process of incremental growth” especially this year with the things that I’m still struggling with. I’ve see a lot of disappointment, frustration and confusion in the past two years and as a sinner and mortal being I just want to feel like I’m back on track like how I felt almost three years ago but that might not be what God wants of me. I have to remember that our walk of faith is essentially one of relationship with God and He is more concerned with cultivating our character than giving us what we think we want.
Okay, now I might have to pause for a moment. Several of you might be wondering, “What exactly is Josh talking about?” Alright, well I don’t have the time (because I would get lengthy) or the emotional capital to cover the main things I’ve struggled with but for anyone who knows me pretty well (or maybe not even so much) or blog stalked me over at blog 1.0 you know I’ve had to deal with the toughest stretch of my life in the past two plus years and it’s taken me all over the place. Having said all that, it’s funny how despite the fact I’ve felt very adrift at times, God always has shown Himself juuuuust enough whenever I feel like I’m about to get a tad too blue and this actually has happened recently.
This all started a little over a week ago when a few things came my way that really negatively affected me more I was anticipating. It brought up a boatload of unresolved issues and I wasn’t prepared to somehow manage them all at once and by yesterday, it was starting to physically take a toll on me. Getting back a bit, my small group had started a new series the Thursday before last (just as I was processing some stuff) on how the attitude you have plays such a huge role in your walk with the Lord. The first night was on eradicating complaining and how this trait can poison other areas of your thought process and life. The example given was how the nation of Israel was complaining (or grumbling) while in the wilderness despite all of the gifts and blessings the Lord gave them and how this spirit actually spelled doom for an entire generation. The Lord provided their needs the entire way yet because things weren’t going the way they wanted they incessantly complained about their lot in life and we are given an example of how serious God takes to this attitude.
Now for me, I had never really thought of myself as a “complainer” but in hearing examples given and parallels drawn, I saw how soooooo much of what I’ve been dealing with falls into this. I had come to the point, and the news I received accentuated this, where all I was doing was focusing on the ONE area of my life that wasn’t going fairly well and it was threatening to drive me mad and I felt myself starting to slip. However, in the middle all of this, the Lord came in and shook me which came about last night as it was pretty transforming and very timely.
Last night’s lesson was a counter to the previous Thursday’s as the focus was not to only expel complaining but to replace it with thankfulness. For me, I found that in my need to understand this horrible stretch of time I’ve been through, my gratitude and thankfulness had become diminished. Sure, I would intellectually acknowledge these things but my heart was not there and instead was stuck in this place still feeling really hurt, betrayed, confused and lots of other things. However what was lost in all of this is that God has consistently given me what I’ve NEEDED in the past two years even if it always hasn’t been what I’ve wanted. I have to be mindful that so much of our walk of faith is a relationship and if we see the same things coming up over and over again it’s probably more of an indication that God still wants us to learn something and we’re not there yet. We might feel like we’re going insane in the process but God isn’t going to give up on us as He knows where He’s sending us and that history is sometimes merely a preface to a more grand story. I had gotten caught up in the lie that my story had gone off the tracks and that I would never get back to feeling like I was where God wanted me again. Regardless if this is part of God’s plan for me (Plan A, if you will) or if this is God taking tragedy and making something wonderful from its wreckage, His will will come through.
So having said that, I know I just need to let it go. I have to stop living with one foot in the past and the other in this vague present/future. I need to trust that God has my back and that even though not everything makes sense right now, that it will come in time. I have to acknowledge that I don’t have to understand everything right now and where I’m going at this very moment. Part of growth goes hand in hand with the process of getting there. I have to remember that God isn’t going to instill certain desires and longings and set things up so that I’m perpetually wanting. I need to live life open, ready, throw off all that which has kept me down and trust…TRUST…that despite all the sadness I’ve had to endure that everything will be ok and if I keep my head about me, and focused on Him and living a thankful, giving, sacrificial life of love, friendship and laughter the hurt of the past will melt away and give way to the future God has had in mind for me. For all I know maybe this was just the catalyst I needed…actually, seeing how God has consistently worked in my life, then probably so. Here’s to looking at the same world with new eyes.
Okay, now I might have to pause for a moment. Several of you might be wondering, “What exactly is Josh talking about?” Alright, well I don’t have the time (because I would get lengthy) or the emotional capital to cover the main things I’ve struggled with but for anyone who knows me pretty well (or maybe not even so much) or blog stalked me over at blog 1.0 you know I’ve had to deal with the toughest stretch of my life in the past two plus years and it’s taken me all over the place. Having said all that, it’s funny how despite the fact I’ve felt very adrift at times, God always has shown Himself juuuuust enough whenever I feel like I’m about to get a tad too blue and this actually has happened recently.
This all started a little over a week ago when a few things came my way that really negatively affected me more I was anticipating. It brought up a boatload of unresolved issues and I wasn’t prepared to somehow manage them all at once and by yesterday, it was starting to physically take a toll on me. Getting back a bit, my small group had started a new series the Thursday before last (just as I was processing some stuff) on how the attitude you have plays such a huge role in your walk with the Lord. The first night was on eradicating complaining and how this trait can poison other areas of your thought process and life. The example given was how the nation of Israel was complaining (or grumbling) while in the wilderness despite all of the gifts and blessings the Lord gave them and how this spirit actually spelled doom for an entire generation. The Lord provided their needs the entire way yet because things weren’t going the way they wanted they incessantly complained about their lot in life and we are given an example of how serious God takes to this attitude.
Now for me, I had never really thought of myself as a “complainer” but in hearing examples given and parallels drawn, I saw how soooooo much of what I’ve been dealing with falls into this. I had come to the point, and the news I received accentuated this, where all I was doing was focusing on the ONE area of my life that wasn’t going fairly well and it was threatening to drive me mad and I felt myself starting to slip. However, in the middle all of this, the Lord came in and shook me which came about last night as it was pretty transforming and very timely.
Last night’s lesson was a counter to the previous Thursday’s as the focus was not to only expel complaining but to replace it with thankfulness. For me, I found that in my need to understand this horrible stretch of time I’ve been through, my gratitude and thankfulness had become diminished. Sure, I would intellectually acknowledge these things but my heart was not there and instead was stuck in this place still feeling really hurt, betrayed, confused and lots of other things. However what was lost in all of this is that God has consistently given me what I’ve NEEDED in the past two years even if it always hasn’t been what I’ve wanted. I have to be mindful that so much of our walk of faith is a relationship and if we see the same things coming up over and over again it’s probably more of an indication that God still wants us to learn something and we’re not there yet. We might feel like we’re going insane in the process but God isn’t going to give up on us as He knows where He’s sending us and that history is sometimes merely a preface to a more grand story. I had gotten caught up in the lie that my story had gone off the tracks and that I would never get back to feeling like I was where God wanted me again. Regardless if this is part of God’s plan for me (Plan A, if you will) or if this is God taking tragedy and making something wonderful from its wreckage, His will will come through.
So having said that, I know I just need to let it go. I have to stop living with one foot in the past and the other in this vague present/future. I need to trust that God has my back and that even though not everything makes sense right now, that it will come in time. I have to acknowledge that I don’t have to understand everything right now and where I’m going at this very moment. Part of growth goes hand in hand with the process of getting there. I have to remember that God isn’t going to instill certain desires and longings and set things up so that I’m perpetually wanting. I need to live life open, ready, throw off all that which has kept me down and trust…TRUST…that despite all the sadness I’ve had to endure that everything will be ok and if I keep my head about me, and focused on Him and living a thankful, giving, sacrificial life of love, friendship and laughter the hurt of the past will melt away and give way to the future God has had in mind for me. For all I know maybe this was just the catalyst I needed…actually, seeing how God has consistently worked in my life, then probably so. Here’s to looking at the same world with new eyes.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Dating Makes You (or me) Want To Die
So I picked up this here book, Dating Makes You Want To Die: (But You Have To Do It Anyway), a few weeks ago because…well I need all the help I can get and am not getting any younger so why not? I’ll spare you a review but I didn’t find it overly helpful and most of the advice was either not geared towards someone like me or it was really no-brainer kind of stuff that even I get. Although I did laugh out loud a few times as it’s pretty snarky in places. Having said all that, the first paragraph of book just floored me and I related a liiiiiitle too well to it…so here it goes complete with commentary:
“You do not let someone else dictate your happiness. You come home whenever you damn well please. You have hobbies. You spend late nights at work without worry and haven’t taken a vacation since 2003 (late nights, not so much but vacations? Who would I go on vacation with?). You tell anyone who will listen that you’re deliriously happy (not so much, actually). You can’t remember the last time you changed your sheets. The only person’s birthday you have to remember is your mother’s. You repeatedly make out with people whose last names you don’t know and whose first names are equally iffy (ditto in the not so much). When your confused and desperate friends ask you for dating advice, you make references to your last ex (you know, the one from three years ago) (HAHAHAHAHA…I mean I have NO idea what you’re talking about...Lord, I have problems). You go to the gym. You are the first to show up for parties. Heck, you even have time to think of witty RSVPs to the Evite. You are the go-to person when someone needs help moving into a new apartment or needs someone to post bail. You, dear reader, are the Single.
And you are miserable.”
Yeah, so after hitting the nail on my head, there is a lot of stuff that didn’t hit as close to home to me but at least I don’t feel quite as alone. You know,
Oh and to book-end the quotes, I also saw a few things from the intro to the marriage section I identified with that hit a taaaaad close to home as well.
“We date for one reason: so that we don’t have to do it anymore. We want to stop meeting near strangers for activities that aren’t fun. We want to stop feeling lonely and desperate. We want to stop walking into our house to be greeted by small, dependant animals.” (Aaaaaaaand yes, yes, yes and yes.)
Anyway, I don’t know if this read made me feel particularly better about the whole dating thing, but it has to be done, right? Although I think I’m done with books on this stuff as this was almost the closest book I saw that might make sense as the rest of the titles I’ve seen have either been exclusively geared towards women (you know, about how to snatch a man to marry), were for couples already in relationships or were about how to get as many booty calls as possible. Once again, where is the book for the really great guy who’s seen a bad streak with women? I can’t be the only one, right? *meh* Until next time…
“You do not let someone else dictate your happiness. You come home whenever you damn well please. You have hobbies. You spend late nights at work without worry and haven’t taken a vacation since 2003 (late nights, not so much but vacations? Who would I go on vacation with?). You tell anyone who will listen that you’re deliriously happy (not so much, actually). You can’t remember the last time you changed your sheets. The only person’s birthday you have to remember is your mother’s. You repeatedly make out with people whose last names you don’t know and whose first names are equally iffy (ditto in the not so much). When your confused and desperate friends ask you for dating advice, you make references to your last ex (you know, the one from three years ago) (HAHAHAHAHA…I mean I have NO idea what you’re talking about...Lord, I have problems). You go to the gym. You are the first to show up for parties. Heck, you even have time to think of witty RSVPs to the Evite. You are the go-to person when someone needs help moving into a new apartment or needs someone to post bail. You, dear reader, are the Single.
And you are miserable.”
Yeah, so after hitting the nail on my head, there is a lot of stuff that didn’t hit as close to home to me but at least I don’t feel quite as alone. You know,
Oh and to book-end the quotes, I also saw a few things from the intro to the marriage section I identified with that hit a taaaaad close to home as well.
“We date for one reason: so that we don’t have to do it anymore. We want to stop meeting near strangers for activities that aren’t fun. We want to stop feeling lonely and desperate. We want to stop walking into our house to be greeted by small, dependant animals.” (Aaaaaaaand yes, yes, yes and yes.)
Anyway, I don’t know if this read made me feel particularly better about the whole dating thing, but it has to be done, right? Although I think I’m done with books on this stuff as this was almost the closest book I saw that might make sense as the rest of the titles I’ve seen have either been exclusively geared towards women (you know, about how to snatch a man to marry), were for couples already in relationships or were about how to get as many booty calls as possible. Once again, where is the book for the really great guy who’s seen a bad streak with women? I can’t be the only one, right? *meh* Until next time…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)