This is something I’ve been thinking about for a tad and thought I’d share. In fact, since starting this post, I’ve had a few more instances that may attest to my little theory here. Anyway, I’m sure most of us remember having those times either in college or high school where an extension was needed. Maybe it was for a paper, project or something else. The point is that you had something you needed to do, yet for reasons sometimes outside your control, ummmmm or well within your control, you needed an extension. That you knew unless you were granted this extension, that whatever you were called to do will go left unresolved, incomplete, and hanging in this space not quite gone and not entirely real either.
I’ve been living in this perpetual state of unresolved-ness for three years now, although something that’s been bothering me is that I almost feel that I’ve become so accustomed to this state, and have pretty much forgotten what it’s truly like to not live this way (because I faintly remember what it’s like to live feeling totally resolved), that I’m going to be become complacent…and complacency is never a good thing. Anyway, I’ve had my own “assignments”, “projects”, “research papers” (I’m trying to keep the analogy here people) to do and even though some have followed (or have been turned in) through I always get stuck on the ones I’ve needed extensions for.
Although if I may use another analogy, I’ve recently found things to be more akin to that of following along a trail being lead by bread crumbs. You don’t *need* to follow the bread crumbs, and just as you think you’ve run off the trail, a few more appear to keep you along the way. This has become very obvious to me in the past six months in my life. Just as soon, and sometimes it’s within minutes, of me thinking, “Great…I’ve hit dead end central” it’s “Bread crumbs away” in ways usually unexpected. Now I know it’s God who is distributing said bread, but I can’t wrap my head around where I might be lead but I it’s going somewhere…and that has to be good enough. Even though I’m the sort who needs, and sometimes demands, answers right away for my life I’ve take some solace in the fact that God *does* know me well enough to speak to me in ways both timely and profound but it doesn’t mean I always like His answers or the watch He’s using.
And yes. I realize I’m being vague. Sorry if that frustrates any of you because I know *I* just might be so if I were you. But I’m not like anyone else. I just know that I’ve been vacillating between feeling like I need a miracle, to feeling like I’ve received one and back again. I sometimes feel as though my heart, soul, spirit, mind or body can’t keep this up for long. Maybe this means I just need to be still. Listen. Watch. Cultivate patience. Be content with the here and now. To love. To laugh. And to not give up on hope.
*Josh jumps back in trail*
